Why Your Feelings Are Actually Helping You Decide (Not Getting in the Way)
Have you ever made a ‘logical’ pros and cons list, only to still feel completely torn? This is because decisions are never just about logic. Research shows our emotions are woven into how we choose. Once you understand that, decision-making starts to feel a lot less stressful.
A client recently had a big career decision to make, and I offered her some questions to help her with the process. Once she had made the decision, we talked though how she had come to what was for her, the right decision. She mentioned that she hadn’t previously thought about how much emotions play a part in the decisions we make.
Feelings Are Information – Not The Problem
Researchers have always presumed the best decisions were purely rational ones, with emotion just getting in the way. Then neuroscientist Antonio Damasio studied people who’d lost the ability to feel emotion due to brain injury. You’d think they’d become brilliant, cool-headed decision-makers. Instead, they became stuck, endlessly weighing options but unable to choose.
It turns out our feelings act like an internal guidance system; built from everything we’ve lived through. That flutter of excitement or that heavy sense of ‘something’s off’ isn’t random, it’s your body giving you information before your conscious mind has caught up. Emotions don’t block good decisions. They help make them possible.
But Feelings Can Also Mislead Us
Here’s the balance: psychologist Paul Slovic found that we often use a quick gut feeling, ‘this feels good’ or ‘this feels risky’, as a shortcut instead of thinking it through. This is efficient, but it can trip us up, especially when we’re stressed or tired. A strong feeling can start to seem like a fact, even when it isn’t.
This is why it’s so useful to gently ask yourself:
- Is this a feeling, or is this the truth?
- Where is the evidence?
You can honour the emotion without letting it write the whole story.
Your Mood Shapes What You See
Research also shows our current mood colours what we notice and remember. When you’re low, it’s easier to recall past setbacks and expect more of the same. When you’re feeling steady and supported, you naturally recall your strengths and what’s gone well before. Same decision, completely different lens depending on how you’re feeling right now.
This is exactly why big decisions rarely go well when we’re in the thick of overwhelm. It’s not weakness. It’s your brain working exactly as it’s designed to. Give yourself permission to pause and come back to it once you feel more resourced.
Positive Emotions Widen Your Options
This is where Positive Psychology adds something really hopeful. Psychologist Barbara Fredrickson’s research shows that positive emotions, like calm, curiosity, gratitude, or hope, literally broaden our thinking. Stress narrows our focus down to survival mode. Positive emotion opens us back up, helping us see more choices and access more of our own creativity and resourcefulness.
So doing something as simple as a few minutes of gratitude reflection, or recalling a time you handled something well, before a hard decision isn’t just a nice extra. It’s genuinely changing how well you’re able to think.
A Few Gentle Takeaways
- Your feelings are data, not the enemy. Get curious about them rather than trying to push them away.
- Notice when a feeling has quietly turned into a prediction about the future.
- Give yourself space before big decisions, especially when you’re stressed.
- Build in small moments of calm, gratitude, or reflecting on past wins. They really do open up better thinking.
- The more you name what you feel, the more you can trust yourself to choose well.
You’re not overthinking because something is wrong with you. You’re human, and your feelings are simply trying to help. The goal isn’t to switch them off, it’s to build a warmer, wiser relationship with them.
If this resonates, I’d love to help you explore it further. You can book a FREE 20-minute “Understanding You” call with me here: https://ebbandflow.org.uk/contact/
Vicki Fennell MSc
Ebb & Flow Coaching
Website: www.ebbandflow.org.uk
Mobile: 07554 020669
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/vicki-fennell-msc-a66666b7/
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