Lighter, Clearer, Coping & Confident
During a recent session my Coach asked me, what do I want my clients to experience when working with me. My response was four simple words: lighter, clearer, coping and confident. Let me explain.
Lighter
Clients often comment on how much ‘lighter’ they feel after we’ve worked together. ‘I feel like a weight has lifted’. ‘It doesn’t feel so heavy anymore’. ‘I don’t feel as bogged down by everything’. ‘I feel lighter’.
Experiencing an almost physical release of the weight of a burden or worry, brings elation and relief for someone who previously was struggling to deal with a situation. Feeling ‘free’ of that weight can help to feel more in control. During a conversation there can be a ‘lightbulb’ moment. The moment of realisation that they can do something. The point at which things begin to change for them.
Then there is the beacon of hope. ‘There is a light at the end of the tunnel’. What they came into the room carrying has been faced, explored and gently put down, enough for them to begin to see more clearly what lies ahead with a brighter, more open focus.
When things are lighter, they become clearer.
Clearer
‘I’d not ever thought about it like that’. ‘I now know what I can do’. ‘I can see a clear plan now’. ‘That’s just made me realise…’. ‘ I’ve been in a similar situation’.
If we hold on to the burdens of life, our minds can become a churning sea of grey dense fog. We spend a huge amount of energy mulling things over, doubting ourselves, overthinking the ‘what ifs’, worrying, and trying to second-guess outcomes.
On our own, it can be hard to find a way out of a downward spiral of negativity. But when we have a supportive conversation and vocalise what’s in our head, we start seeing the wood for the trees.
We gain clarity on what is happening, what we can actually control and what we can do further to improve the situations.
With clarity we begin to understand, plan action and cope.
Coping
Being able to have some control over a situation enables us to feel as if we are coping. Coping can mean different things to different people, but at it’s heart it’s the sense that, even if life is messy, you have developed the ability to find a way through.
In coaching, ‘coping’ isn’t about pretending everything is fine or pushing feelings aside. It’s about strengthening your capacity: understanding what’s really going on, naming what you need, and choosing practical things which will support you.
For some clients that looks like clearer boundaries, self-compassion, saying no without guilt or asking for help. For others it’s learning techniques which can support you in the moment.
When you feel able to cope, you stop living in constant reaction mode. You begin to trust yourself again.
That’s where confidence starts to grow.
Confident
When the load feels lighter and your next steps are clearer, confidence follows. You’re coping better, so you trust yourself more.
Confidence is feeling anchored in who you are, what matters to you, and what you’ll do next. The inner narrative changes from, ‘I can’t…’ and ‘Yes, but…’ to ‘Yes, I can. I’ve done this before and I know I can do it again’.
With more confidence, decisions become simpler, you stop over-thinking and comparing and relationships improve. Life feels more manageable, because you’re not questioning yourself at every turn.
Action builds belief.
What might be possible if you felt lighter, clearer, and were confidently able to cope?
I create a safe space to explore what’s standing in your way to make meaningful change. If you’d like to explore working together, I’d love to hear what you’re navigating and how you want to more forward differently.
Contact me for a FREE 20-minute ‘Understanding You’ phone call.
hello@ebbandflow.org.uk
07554 020669
www.ebbandflow.org.uk
